Looking for a freelance job as a writer / blogger, and wondering how to write those short posts that recruiters ask for as samples? Here is your answer!
After answering to a job posting, with my impeccable resume and the links to all of my sites and all that jazz, I got this reply: “Dazzle us with the single best example of your work so we may consider next steps on your application.” Please note that I am quoting here, and that the word “single” was – in fact – underlined.
The single best sample of a writer’s work… This is like asking to a father: “Choose your best offspring”… Which one? The oldest? The youngest? The chubby one? He is so funny… Or the skinny one? He is more about living healthy… The middle one likes music, by the way… Which one? … Please, Can I have some more, sir?
So I replied, “Would you please point me to a category or type of work?” And they answered, “Which category or type of work best quantifies you and your style best? We like short, sweet, entertaining and viral content… 🙂 ” Again, I am quoting. Smiley face was there at the end… Gotta love this 21 century; Get rid off the suit and the shaking hands, and get your emoticons on, babe!
Ok, then… This is how it goes; now it’s all about lists… So, let’s see how we could approach this task of writing a “listed, corny, ‘Readers-don’t-have-to-time-to-read’ and ‘cold’ content”.
5 Steps to make a List Post
1. Go to the mirror, and slap your face
Slap it hard. You are a WRITER. You make lists to do your groceries. You are the gifted one who use structured, thoughtful and meaningful paragraphs to send a MESSAGE to the people. Shame on you for considering this!
2. Look back in the mirror, and slap your face again
You didn’t do it harder enough the first time.
3. Go to the fridge, get some ice for your face, observe the fridge’s content and write a list while reflecting on it, like this:
1. One green apple… Why do people portray the “forbidden fruit” as a “red” apple? Green apples taste better… And how many people know that the “forbidden fruit” alludes to “knowledge”? Because what God didn’t want us to do, was to “know”, to know “about things”… Yeah… Catholics should take some theology lessons… I did! … Jesus! Why am I still a Catholic
2. A bottle of tequila asking for a refill… What’s the deal with the worm at the bottom? That is disgusting, and inhuman! Why would someone drown a God’s creature (yeah, I’m still a Catholic) for its drinking habits? … Shame on us… And we should have stop eating lobster too … They boil them alive!!!
3. Take out food from God knows when… I’ll start dieting next Monday.
4. The car keys… Yay! Finally I can go and do the groceries… Oh no… I have no money for gas, or food…
5. Old cheese… I should try it; it’s like blue cheese, but “homemade”… Do people know that blue cheese is actually good cheese that got mold after a while? Who invented this? Was it a writer with no money considering writing lists for a living?
4. Entitle your work
“5 items on your fridge that could lead you to become a philosopher”
5. Send the post to the recruiter
… Philosophers get paid less than a sellout writer who makes lists.
Yeah… You got this!
You’re not a sellout writer (yes you are!), you need to earn some money! (… shame on you for wanting to refill that bottle of tequila)
Go for it! These 5 steps are the road to an imminent success.
Oh wait! Don’t forget to add a Barney’s meme to illustrate your message, and to come back and share your story of success!