Do you pick your seat when you are about to jump on a plane? I did once… and now I am about to do some research about “which is the best seat on an airplane” and to write a thesis about it.
You know when people ask you, “How was your flight?”, and it was such a nightmare that you take a moment to smile, reflect on it, and to then answer, “It was great, thank you”, while you’re thinking, “I’ll just blog about it”? Well, this me blogging about it.
I’ve been flying since I was five years old, but it wasn’t until I grew up and my legs got longer that I started getting obsessed with the “seat by the emergency exit, so I can stretch my legs”. You may think that my obsession leads me to do the check in early, but it doesn’t; my obsessions are in my mind just to bother me; I am a rebel even when it comes to fulfill my cravings. #DontJudge
“The seat by the emergency exit, please; thank you!”
This last flight I took to NYC, however, was supposed to be a dream came true. After waking up at 6 am and then taking a six-hour bus ride to the airport, I finally got my chance to do the check-in like a first time flying-tourist: like a day before, because “it says so on the ticket”…
I was so happy thinking, “I’ll be able to ask for the seat next to the emergency exit, and I’ll have space to stretch my legs; and I’ll sleep like a newborn baby! (the cool ones, not the ones you want to put back into the mummy’s belly), and I’ll see all the unicorns holding the plane!” (Cars have horses; planes have unicorns, right?)
And so I did it! I went to do the check-in and I said:
“Can I have the seat by the exit?”
“Great, thank you!”
“Are you pregnant?”, the guy said handing me my passport
He understood my polite silence to his question, and he handed me this pamphlet:
So I was a “passenger of vital importance”… WOW, right? Healthy, not pregnant, available to use my extremities, educated, bilingual… and stupid, because what the pamphlet doesn’t say, is that you should: “be able to spend ten hours under excruciating freezing conditions”.
That’s what happens at the seat by the emergency exit: the cold that enters through it, reaches your bones and you can hear them cracking, and then those little broken pieces travel to your brain splintering it; meanwhile you are asking, “Could you please turn up the heat?” and a freaking old lady is saying, “Whyyyyy? Is so hot in here!”… Zip it, grandma!
We had to put our seat-belts on during the last forty minutes, because the plane was shaking due to ‘a storm’, according to the captain. Lair; the plane had the ice maker/blender woman in the middle of the plane. I should have sold tickets to my show…
As I told you, I am this close to write a thesis about “which is the best seat on an airplane”, but right now all I can say is this: don’t sign up to be a hero on a flight. Do you think you can pull a “Jack Shepard scene”? … Do you recall how the show ended? Yeah… Jack Frost is your only fate here.